I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
