this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
