i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
