i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
