You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
