please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
