He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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