I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
