I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
