I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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