I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
