Do you still have your period?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
