I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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