Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize