Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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