glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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