they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
