HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
dude. I can hear the air.
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