Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
