I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
