Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
