You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
