Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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