Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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