just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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