Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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