Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
