For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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