Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
