i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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