When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
