I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
