my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's shark week go big or go home
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
