So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner