I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
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Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
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The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?