eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.