That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?