grandma shit on top of the toilet
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.