Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere