Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
