I looked at my own cervix.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You pole danced in your parka.
Randomize
