3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
