This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
