Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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