Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
