My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.