k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
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I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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