cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
