She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
