Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.

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  (412): It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg. http://tfl.nu/82qd
  Replies (46) Good night (1672) Bad night (3241)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."

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  (780): I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked." http://tfl.nu/ikiz
  Replies (37) Good night (4876) Bad night (631)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk

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  (307): Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk http://tfl.nu/09b7
  Replies (6) Good night (4242) Bad night (624)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

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  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (13370) Bad night (2054)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.

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  (606): Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now. http://tfl.nu/sgsy
  Replies (12) Good night (2188) Bad night (1367)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.

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  (225): You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night. http://tfl.nu/uygn
  Replies (6) Good night (3667) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies

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  (318): What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies http://tfl.nu/mqvt
  Replies (4) Good night (823) Bad night (1890)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Sidenote...no idea how to salsa

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  (502): Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing (502): Sidenote...no idea how to salsa http://tfl.nu/2bal
  Replies (2) Good night (1595) Bad night (555)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.

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  (+44): This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night. http://tfl.nu/3g1n
  Replies (5) Good night (1773) Bad night (980)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.

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  (802): Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step. http://tfl.nu/mq9b
  Replies (3) Good night (1138) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.

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  (774): One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it. http://tfl.nu/38tv
  Replies (1) Good night (755) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.

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  (214): Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon. http://tfl.nu/qoak
  Replies (2) Good night (711) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.

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  (315): He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left. http://tfl.nu/ssuu
  Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (235)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...

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  (801): It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter... http://tfl.nu/zb1t
  Replies (13) Good night (310) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?

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  (908): He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling? http://tfl.nu/dpwn
  Replies (9) Good night (457) Bad night (381)

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