Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
