are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
