Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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