its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
