Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
