Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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