i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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