Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
