I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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