Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
