I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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