so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
