What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
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Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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