i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
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I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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