I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
